I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
