If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
