I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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