I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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