Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
