I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
