I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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