I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
