I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
