hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
