hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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