We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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