afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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