I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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