you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
