Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cropdusted the office
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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