we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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