He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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