insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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