It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
