the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
