That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
