i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
