I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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