I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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