The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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