its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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