i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
