Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
