So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
