Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
