I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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