i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
why is half of my head shaved?
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