there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
