I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
