Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
