I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
