have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
