i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
