she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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