we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
