"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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