I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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