Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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