There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
