4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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