alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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