If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
