I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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