I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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