I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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