The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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