I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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