Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
