yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
