So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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