Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
