We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
