how can u be prego again
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
