i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize