Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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