Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize